Thursday, August 7, 2014

Predicting Chetan Bhagat's next book title: the aftermath

The news made its way to my brains in the same way USB drives refuse to made their ways into the respective ports: Chetan Bhagat himself, no less, had tweeted my previous blog post. Here is proof:



See? See? I did not lie.

There are three questions that came to my mind the moment I came across the tweet:
1. Why does he refer to himself in the third person?
2. Why is he respectful to me in his tweet?
3. Why does he find the post seriously geeky?
Let us find out.

1. Why does Mr Bhagat refer to himself in the third person?

Indeed, why? He could have easily tweeted "polynomial models to predict the number in my upcoming book titles". Here is why:

Mr Bhagat is actually Julius Caesar. As we have seen from William Shakespeare's epic (which was spoofed brilliantly by René Goscinny) centuries later, Caesar had developed the rather unusual habit of referring to himself in the third person.

Thus, if he is stabbed, do not be surprised if his immediate reaction is "Et tu, cute?"

PS: I will not get many chances to pay my homage to three legends in one go. Here is to Julius Caesar, William Shakespeare, and René Goscinny — men who have, and will continue to stand the test of time — from The Mansions of the Gods. 



2. Why is he respectful to me in his tweet?

This one was tricky. Indeed, there was no valid reason for him to shower respect on me. He is a living legend, while I am a mere mortal — a blogger languishing in obscurity.

Why me, Mr Bhagat? Is it because you are humble? You are an IITian, which means that you could fit polynomials just like that (this is when I snapped my fingers).

I thought and thought hard: what message was he trying to send across?

Then it hit me, and hit me as hard as an ONIDA TV hits a hummingbird when the ONIDA TV flies and the hummingbird doesn't. You get the point.

Respect is, obviously, an anagram for sceptre. A sceptre demands respect. Of course, being Julius Caesar — being the undisputed king of Indian English literature — commands respect and demands a sceptre. That was the message he was trying to send across.

3. Why does he find the post seriously geeky?

It takes some average knowledge of polynomial-fitting and Excel tricks to do what I was doing. What was "seriously geeky" about it?

Was he paying respect to me? As we have found out, that is not the case; it was, of course, a reference to the post. Had I screwed up somewhere?

Then I recalled how Matthew Inman — creator of The Oatmeal had once defined geeks:

In other words, geeky = not screwing. Hence, by calling my post "seriously geeky" (I promise this is is the first time I have come across those two words together) he had actually been cryptic, complimenting that I had not screwed up with my calculations.

I'm honoured, Mr Bhagat. You have touched another soul and have set it free. You veni, vidi, vici (yes, I know I am speaking in first person, but that is how good my Latin is).

36 comments:

  1. You are famous! Go get him to endorse that book of yours that you've been planning/ write a foreword or something. It'll sell like hot-cakes.
    Hail Abhishek!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I thought you have been flooded by requests to write a book or two on mythology. Or whatever mytho posts I've read have had comments implying that, to which you've given evasive answers.

      Delete
    2. Ah, a mythology book right now may land me in prison.

      Delete
  2. Ahhh... good one... but do you think he would know about Asterix? It's not very common among girl's... unless we are talking about '*'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow! You have some seriously sexist friend's. And I love apostrophes <3; they are so versatile!

      Delete
    2. Where did girls come from, and why the apostrophe, Tapabrata?

      Delete
    3. Tapabrata is being cryptic. The apostrophe and the asterisk in a comment discussing Asterix.

      Delete
  3. Can you do me a favour? Please respond to his Tweet on my behalf, and ask him if he genuinely believes in numerology. I want it straight from the horse's mouth (*EVIL GRIN*).

    ReplyDelete
  4. I enjoyed the post without the Chetan Bhagat part. Now you would be asking how so? I loved your delving back into the three writers. Since I am not the biggest fan of the fourth, I am trying to forget that part. ( I hope it makes sense.).
    Babchi postta both 'ghyam' ar 'baje bhat' dutoi rate kora jay kina? That would be an oxymoron. Still.

    P.S. I prefer reading your posts that Chetan Bhagat's 'bhat'. Sorry even if you are a big fan of his writing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are you serious, or are you pulling my leg, Nivedita?

      Delete
    2. I am really enjoying this!

      Delete
    3. I am confused. Is she pulling my leg?

      Delete
    4. Na. Tomar hat pa konotai dhore tanar kono ichhei nei.
      I detest Chetan Bhagat. Reading his books were such a waste of time! I feel he tries too hard to prove his point.

      Delete
    5. That's how you show shada potaka on the unresolved mystery?

      Delete
  5. He is not going to get this one either. :D Good job!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's.

      Delete
  6. OMG!...u r so famous now!....publish all ur blogs till date in the form of a book, and as @Mlvk rightly said get CB 2 right a foreword for it

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, right. Mlvk gets a publisher, and you convince The Voice of the Youth to right a preface.

      Delete
    2. If the dedication page goes empty, you can put my name there. Now that all other roles are taken. Just saying.

      Delete
    3. Sure. You can also become the title. Or the page-mark. Or whatever.

      Delete
    4. All three. A free signed postcard sized picture for pagemark for every buyer. That'd be innovative actually.

      Delete
  7. He won't get it. If he decides to read it, that is :)) and, you're brilliant.

    ReplyDelete

Followers