Trois cent un

I just wanted to make my 300th blog post a quiet affair. You know the kind. A mug of steaming black coffee and an unopened packet of McVitie's Fruit Shortcake - something that I have developed a fresh addiction to.

Let me first get into McVitie's Fruit Shortcake first, which is probably the greatest invention in the history of mankind since Saridon (I know there are strong competitors like the internet, but I guess McVitie's Fruit Shortcake will probably have the edge).

One of the reasons that I love the thing so much is the fact that it goes superbly with black coffee. A nibble of this and a sip of that - I mean, it's probably the supreme example of food porn in the history of the universe: wine and cheeses simply don't stand a chance.

Shamelessly nicked from some website; found on Google Images

Look at the thing. The purple package (do note that colour names as simple as the word 'purple' are only used by men; for women its possibly quasi-magenta-tri-chrome-semi-fuchsia-purplish mauve or something equivalent; maybe even something like L'Oreal WB03B-9943). The coy, puckered co-existence of wheat and fruits - I mean - it melts in your mouth so seamlessly that you often feel a terrible urge to make love to it.

Unfortunately, one of the problems of life it's quite difficult to sleep on bed-sheets with cookie crumbles on it. With the piping hot coffee also ruled out as a coital option the best you can do is to feel the tastes play with your taste buds for an extended period of time.

Okay, so where was I? I was probably talking about making my 300th post a soft, silent incident. Then I saw Gerard Butler screaming in front of my eyes, almost making me change my trousers.

Screaming people are always scary. More so if they're bearded. Even more if they're kings. From Sparta. And they're armed.

Nicked from Google Images followed by some MS Paint efforts

See what I mean? Look at the heap of corpses behind him. Look at the battered robe, dupatta and all, smeared with blood. Look at the gleaming teeth. Look at the scar across the left eye. Look at the sword-like thing in his hand.

The sword was probably a creation of a man who did not have a clear idea of what a rhombus looked like. This was a common problem for those who purchased Euclid's books second-handed in ancient Greece: the picture quality was terrible.

Just look at what he had done to the man close to the top right corner in the picture (zooming may help): the hapless creature was brutally murdered while swimming free-style on land. If he can do that to an aspiring land-swimmer just think of what he can do to a harmless, innocent blogger like me.

But this is not the place to discuss macabre ruthlessness. This is supposed to be a post to celebrate an achievement - something bloggers all over the world have craved for since the birth of the internet, which, as I have mentioned before, is one of the also-rans in the fight for the second-spot in the list of inventions since Saridon.

Which leads us to the most important creation of mankind, which is also the zeroth wonder of the world and is going to be the topic of this blog post: Saridon.

Let me first put up a quick display of the packaging. It isn't one of those fancy tin-foiled things where you have to put in an effort to tear. Neither is it one of those obnoxious entities where you need to hold on to the pack and push a single tablet with your thumb so that it pops, no.

The first cool thing about Saridon is its packaging: it's soft, which means that it's easy to tear. If you're suffering from a mild headache you can easily snap it in two, have half, and save the rest for future. It's that easy.

Nicked from some website: have you ever seen a packaging this cool?

On the other hand if you're suffering from a strong one you need to give it the full throttle. A strong headache always seems to get the better of you, right? But with Saridon on your side you can show the headache who the boss is.

Do note that the Saridon manufacturers realise that the users may not need the full dose of the magical cure every time. Hence they have been smart enough to put a dividing line that divides the circular cross-section into halves. Basically, if you have small fingers you can easily snap it into two; if you have large fingers you're probably a large person, which means that you've got a significant headache. See how intelligent they are?

The wonder of science

Also, Saridon comes in packs of ten. Ten. A cute, round number, assorted in rows of five and columns of two. Just think. Could anything have been so neatly assorted? Do note that both two and five are prime numbers, which makes it way cooler than those 2 x 4 or 3 x 10 or whatever assortments most of the other tablets can offer.

So how does this King of Drugs work? Let us have a look. A 450 mg Saridon tablet consists of 135 mg of propyphenazone, 260 mg of paracetamol, and 55 mg of caffeine.

Let us consider them one by one. Propyphenazone is one of the coolest chemicals ever. For centuries the benzenes and aldehydes have drooled over propyphenazone, and had kept their doors open at night in anticpation. Sigh. Here is what they look like:

OCD: One cool dude

Take a look at the image. Have you ever seen a chemical that looks more similar to a human being? There is a reason that it has played a role this crucial in the progress of mankind.

In Sri Lanka (and in other countries where they prefer longer names) propyphenazone typically goes by the rather formal name 1,5-Dimethyl-2-phenyl-4-propan-2-yl-pyrazol-3-one. Mind you, it is still shorter than Warnakulasooriya Patebendige Ushantha Joseph Chaminda Vaas, but to its credit the chemical has an alphanumeric name.

So what does this dude do? Paracetamol is an analgesic (it's not what you think: there's that spoilsport gesic at the end), which, in a layman's terms, is a pain-killer. Propyphenazone is, well, a pain-killer as well.

So why not go for a 100% paracetamol composition? Here's the catch: propyphenazone hits your pain immediately; once it's subdued paracetamol keeps it tied to the wall, fastens its hands behind its back, puts a noose around its neck, and forces it to watch Prem Aggan until it surrenders.

Why the caffeine, then? Ah, there lies the beauty of the intelligent mind! Caffeine plays a dual role. The first one is quite simple: pain-killers generally make you slightly weak and drowsy; caffeine keeps you alert, awake, live, kicking, all guns blazing.

The other lesser-known advantage of adding caffeine into the pool is that it helps enhance the potency of analgesics by a significant amount. In other words, whatever the propyphenazone-paracetamol combination usually does is improved when caffeine is thrown into the pool. This is how the various combinations work:

Click for a better view

Isn't that cool? As a result of this three-pronged attack the other measures for headache don't stand a chance in front of Saridon. Let us have a look:

Click to enlarge: you'll get the difference

It takes Saridon fifteen minutes to work. Fifteen. What's more, it passes that ultimate benchmark, that Holy Grail for any drug — The Gerard Butler Test.

So, in fifteen minutes the Gerard Butler you see above will be magically transformed to this post-Saridon creature:

Nicked from Google Images

Whereas if you have only a paracetamol or an ibuprofen you'll be left with this Gerard Butler after fifteen minutes:

Nicked from Google Images

This is not a bad Gerard Butler, but is nowhere close to the Saridon Gerard Butler. As is evident, Saridon ranks the highest among all its competitors in the renowned Gerard Butler Fifteen Minutes test. Do note that though he has stopped yelling he has still not withdrawn his sword completely.

On the other hand the post-Saridon Gerard Butler's expression is entirely different. He has discarded his robe and dupatta, has cleaned himself up, has got dressed in a suit and a tie, and is actually laughing at a joke (which probably involves phrases like 'paradigm shift' and 'dynamic environment'.

And even that is not all: within a few minutes he is in the mood of cuddling a woman in bed under an L-shaped sheet that reaches up to his waist and up to the woman's armpits. Do note that the lady is not as willing as Gerard Butler is, and is seriously protective about her bangles.

Nicked from Google Images

This is what Saridon is all about. You decide on what you want to do: would you prefer to wage wars or shouts and get drenched in blood, going around butchering wannabe land-swimmers? Or would you rather prefer a life full of jokes, laughter, and sex with women who keep their bangles on? It's entirely up to you.

It's about choosing love over violence, peace over war, laughter over gore. It's your choice. Think hard. Ponder deep. Choose well.

Amen.

***

PS: Since this is a landmark post I had obviously wanted to include Fardeen Khan, the greatest personality to have embraced the silver screen. However, an ode to Saridon requires something a Gerard Butler Test. A Fardeen Khan Test, however, lucrative, would not have been an appropriate measure. Do look at the illustration below for further clarity:

A lot of pictures nicked from Google Images and assembled on MS Paint