Monday, December 28, 2015

Random geographical puns

It all started with a few harmless tweets, making puns about random places on the third planet of the Solar System. Then Tanmay (yes, Bongpen) insisted I make a blog post out of them. I gave it some thought, then obliged.

He also suggested I split them by continents or countries or whatever. I tried, but there were some that spanned multiple regions, so I decided to choose them randomly.

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Most puns involve at least one of English and Hindi. Since I am proficient in neither, do not blame the places if the puns are terrible. Blame me instead.

At some point of time in my life I was obsessed with capitals of countries, and knew a chunk of them (about 90 per cent) by heart. Do not lose heart if you hit a dead end, for I love capital connections.

A working knowledge of geography will make things easy.

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I take this opportunity to dedicate this blog post to my unfortunate geography teachers at school. Poor souls.

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Fever. More fever. Bucharest.

Nicobar is surrounded by water and a man.

Gujarati mom: I'm a Fidel Castro fan.
Gujarati son: Cuba?

They should've renamed Bombay to Stockholm, not Mumbai.

Nero watched Rome burn. Yash Chopra roamed in Berne.

Garlands are not used in Kohima.

Pub locks in Burkina Faso are wonderful. The keys never get stuck.

Despite the violence she has witnessed, Warsaw has a nice Polish about her.

To... tu ne ek Thai ladki Pattaya?

Bathing isn't free in Peshawar.

Rivers can be Seine in France.

Romania has a water boundary, but how will they cross it?

Angela Morant, Alison Sutcliffe, Alexandra Christmann, and Daniela Lavender all went to Benin.

Czechs love to mate.

Even if malaria and dengue prevailed in Ecuador, The Rolling Stones never caught it.

Legal advice is charitable in Khartoum.

Sanity prevails in Madrid.

In Part 1, Savita Bhabhi met a Belgian.

Occidental oxen vs Istanbul.

In North Korea, do they urinate on Yin as well?

Before Ajit Tendulkar and Snehashish Ganguly, there was Azerbaijan.

Of all Chinese cities, the capital is at the top of Peking order.

Korean horror movies are nothing but dhania.

Go to Philippines if you need acupuncture. Go to Manila if you want to get paid for it.

Luxembourg is where the secret of film-stars aim for tennis stars. 

Going to Tirana will take you close to Jessica Alba.

Are fundamentalists really planning to settle in Macau?

The Dalai Lama puts his money on golf encounters.

Underwater cars are popular in Kargil.

Beirut does not appear in GPS.

You need to sell your soul to get into Peru.

Ménage à trois is common in Dublin.

Two friends decided to write poems on eggs. One wrote verses on the white part. The other became a Yorkshire.

Munro couldn't sing at Nagasaki.

Hum Japan jaayen bhi Tokyo jaayen?

Egyptian Sun in an Indian sky. Welcome to Eritrea.

Slovakians find ill-behaved children extremely hot.

The North vs South rift is so strong in the US that they were forced to have reservations: North Dakota and South Dakota.

Mothers exist no more in Tanzania.

Serious about six-sigma? Move to Armenia.

There is a perpetual demand for local area network in Orlando.

Darjeeling is full of tailored sex organs.

In Nasik, unlike in Mexico, they don't need doctors.

The King's Speech was shot in Rajkot.

Even lead actors cannot exceed Hiroshima.

Tansen's malhar was also known as Singapore.

Shimla roothi, par sab ne Manali.

Thank goodness Finns can swim on land. They would have been sinking in Hell otherwise.

Sirf jism se kya hoga? I need Daman! It's Diu.

Out of bank balance, but still need an automobile? Go to Africa.

Managers stalk employees in Bosnia.

Suffering from asphyxiation? Go to Texas.

As far as capitals go, Bulgaria is the cause; Egypt, the effect.

In Qatar, they stand in a queue for Kabir. In Kuwait they do it anyway.

Togolese have non-digital feet.

In Norway, even dehydrated soup makes you fat.

They know how Tuvalu things in Funafuti.

Where do I find Port of Spain?
Barcelona!

In Oslo, there is neither will...

Molluscs and crustaceans speak in Seychelles.

They will call you a lunatic if you look for NGVs in Madagascar.

When will Dominica happen? Domino’s.

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Some puns, unfortunately, are Bengali-only.

Murder is a piece of cake in the Kyrgyzstan.

Between them, Germany and China have managed to conquer greed for money.

Erectile dysfunction is a serious problem in Lesotho.

Moon Moon Sen lost a daughter in Nigeria.

Finally, some good Indian coffee. At Brunei, that is.

Lebanon? L. E.

18 comments:

  1. Brilliant :). Since this is a lazy Sunday afternoon and I am in the middle of a two-week-long vacation, I clearly had too much time on my hands, and the following are some of the consequences:


    Watching Gangnam Style makes me happy that South Korea hasn't lost its Seoul.

    The Pakistani courtesan lived in the city of... (obvious, I hope).

    The man from Kohima had a drink in a Japanese bar in... NagaSaki.

    The Christian tale of Noah was questioned by the sun-worshipper in Kon-Ark.

    Speaking of Ra, did you hear the Bihari asked the weeping Egyptian... Cai-Ro?

    The sun-worshipper from the pyramid at Chichen Itza had never heard of the Ra-Mayan.

    When the saint of Shirdi passed away, in far-away Vietnam there was much sorrow... in Saigon.

    Religious Catholic Kiwis pray in ChristChurch, devout Muslim Russians in Mosq-ow.

    Hell (in Michigan) literally does freeze over. [This may not be a pun, just a fact.]

    Albus Dumbledore had once visited an internationally famed exotic pet store in Arizona.

    There are no functional bicycles in Madras, because Chennai.

    Slavery among hobbits was first abolished in Lincolnshire. The freed slaves sent their children to study after high school in... Oxfordshire and Cambridgeshire.

    The WWII D-Day beachfront is a tourist attraction for many, including Norman, Dee, and Private Ryan. But you won't find Nazis there. Nor Mandy.

    There's an island in Africa where they only use electric vehicles. Less primitive automotives are met with incredulous stares and taunts like: "Are you mad? A gas car?!"

    [But the worst of them all?] The electronic "dhobi ghat" of America is... Washing-ton D.C.

    [PS> Since you had a Bengali section, here's a "triple"-pun:] A Bengali travel agent, who thought he had kidnapped Helen in a past life, was asked his professional advice on traveling to France. His response? "J'ete Paris."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Go on, Apu, go on. May the force be with you.

      Delete
    2. Thank you indeed. I'll consider it an hour well spent, then :).

      Delete
    3. PS> And clearly one quote makes no sense, unless you replace "Less primitive" by "More primitive"...

      Delete
    4. I did not notice the 'primitive' bit!

      Delete
  2. Porlam. Anek somoy dhore. Besh valo laglo. Chaliye ja.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Awe-sadharaon; kono konta etoi sharp je du-tin bar porbar por bujhte parlem. Belgium-Brussels sera!!! Take a bow.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Goa: What bullshit is this? Me: Pun, aji.December 28, 2015 at 12:09 PM

    Maids in Maharastra are strangely silent
    Karnataka tells the tale of one of the most crowded local trains
    Telangana conceals advertisements about god
    Mizoram's capital is fully manned by brothers of the night's watch.
    Ms. Koppikar is considered strange in Bhubaneshwar
    North Korea never lets its supreme leader visit Gangtok
    Ernesto G. once worked as a barber in Tamil Nadu.
    If you want a hole in Tripura, you have to bring it yourself.
    Jharkhand gives Gujarat's dessert a touch of Oriental peace
    Lakshwadeep is the world's biggest manufacturer of tea-cosies.
    Shri Aurobindo may have had an anal fruit fetish.
    Hindi-speaking folks in Gujarat have to perverted practice of inserting their asses into the rectums of Bengalis.
    Arindam went to Meghalaya for male enhancement surgery.
    Plumbers are in demand in West Bengal

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Excellent ones, especially the Hindi-speaking folks!

      Delete
  5. If I ever wish to dissect wings of a fly,I'll call you.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Wow .... listed them up!

    Here are the ones that I got lost on:
    Where do I find Port of Spain?
    Barcelona!

    Out of bank balance, but still need an automobile? Go to Africa.

    Moon Moon Sen lost a daughter in Nigeria.

    And on:
    Between them, Germany and China have managed to conquer greed for money.
    too specific: could also be translated as too wealthy.

    Finally, some good Indian coffee. At Brunei, that is.
    Wish that was the only inedible brand!

    ReplyDelete

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