Celebrating Towel Day

1. The idea that Bill Gates has appeared like a knight in shining armour to lead all customers out of a mire of technological chaos neatly ignores the fact that it was he, by peddling second rate technology, led them into it in the first place, and continues to do so today.
2. You are disoriented. Blackness swims toward you like a school of eels who have just seen something that eels like a lot. (Game message)
3. The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.
4. If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is a non-working cat.
5. If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family Anatidae on our hands.
6. The seat received him in a loose and distant kind of way, like an aunt who disapproves of the last fifteen years of your life and will therefore furnish you with a basic sherry, but refuses to catch your eye.
7. It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on Earth has ever produced the phrase, 'as pretty as an airport.' Airports are ugly. Some are very ugly. Some attain a degree of ugliness that can only be the result of a special effort.
8. "My name is Kate Schechter. Two 'c's, two 'h's, two 'e's, and also a 't', an 'r', and an 's'. Provided they're all there the bank won't be fussy about the order they come in, they never seem to know themselves."
9. We are not an endangered species ourselves yet, but this is not for lack of trying.
10. So you can imagine what happens when a mainland species gets introduced to an island. It would be like introducing Al Capone, Genghis Khan and Rupert Murdoch into the Isle of Wight - the locals wouldn't stand a chance.
11. He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.
12. He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.
13. I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
14. I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.

15. In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
16. In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri.
17. It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.
18. Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.
19. The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.
20. There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
21. Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.
22. You live and learn. At any rate, you live.
23. Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
24. He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.
25. Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.
26. Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word 'safe' that I wasn't previously aware of.

27. The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.
28. Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.
29. Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind- bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space.
30. A completely ordinary number, a number not just divisible by two but also six and seven. In fact it's the sort of number that you could, without any fear, introduce to your parents.
31. Even he, to whom most things that most people would think were pretty smart were pretty dumb, thought it was pretty smart.
32. A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.
33. That young girl is one of the least benightedly unintelligent organic life forms it has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid meeting.
34. "Watch?? I'm gonna pray, man! Know any good religions?"
35. This is an important announcement. This is flight 121 to Los Angeles. If your travel plans today do not include Los Angeles, now would be a perfect time to disembark.
36. Cyberspace is - or can be - a good, friendly and egalitarian place to meet.

37. I may be a sorry case, but I don't write jokes in base 13.
38. Don't believe anything you read on the net. Except this. Well, including this, I suppose.
39. Anything invented before your fifteenth birthday is the order of nature. That's how it should be. Anything invented between your 15th and 35th birthday is new and exciting, and you might get a career there. Anything invented after that day, however, is against nature and should be prohibited.
40. Deep in the rain forest it was doing what it usually does in rain forests, which was raining: hence the name.
41. We were walking through the only known anagram of my name - which is Sago Mud Salad.
42. The fact that the number of entries in this list brings a smile to my face.